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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

An old poem I wrote
Replies: 8Last Post Nov. 23, 2008 2:41am by Dragonfang93
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( Dragonfang93 )


Wealthy Hobo
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Okay, this poem is so close to my heart. I wrote it for my ex-boyfriend that passed away, so I hold it very close.
I've been asked to read some poems at our graduation ceremony, I was just wondering what you think of one of the poems I've decided on:

Until Forever Fades Away

Some people say
You only get one chance
Some people's lives
Are lived like a dance
Particular steps
In just the right way
Until the pattern gets broken
On one special day

My dance was interrupted
By a boy on a white horse
And I fell in love
With him of course
He took my hand
He took the lead
He helped me mount
His faithful steed

We rode into the sunset
And kissed under the stars
Then we were connected
By the love in our hearts

He took my hand
He told me how
We glided over land
Until the final bow

We danced the night away
Until the stars turned to day
He turned to me
And I heard him say
'I'll be by your side
Until Forever Fades Away'

-------
Inspired Gemmologist.


2:31 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2006 | 240 Days Active
Join to learn more about Dragonfang93 Australia | Questioning Female | 1587 Posts | 5403 Points
xsolox


Omnipotent One

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Its readable

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If you have one foot in yesterday And one foot in tomorrow
Your pissing all over today

2:32 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2007 | 534 Days Active
Join to learn more about xsolox Australia | Label Free Female | 11848 Posts | 18518 Points
Gaelle


Wealthy Hobo

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I like the meaning of it, but it's a bit too much rhyme for my taste.

-------
A partially true story about lies told,
virtue lost, and love found.

2:32 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Nov. 2008 | 41 Days Active
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kissmeimirish


Advisor
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sorry to hear its really sweet and really good :) .

2:33 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined June 2008 | 38 Days Active
Join to learn more about kissmeimirish England, United Kingdom | Straight Female | 41 Posts | 424 Points
kakashisensei


Quality Control Engineer
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um i dont think poetrty is really your thing this sucks king kong balls

2:34 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2008 | 37 Days Active
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xBeautifulTragedyx


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I like the first stanza.

-------
http://emilypretending.livejournal.com/

2:34 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2006 | 208 Days Active
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Rayne237


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I think it's really sweet.....Fiction? Or nonfiction? He needs a copy....

-------
love me for who I am, or hate me for who I'm not.

2:35 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Mar. 2008 | 42 Days Active
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kakashisensei


Quality Control Engineer
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uggg... seriously, life is a dance? Riding away into the sunset on a white horse? Did you purposefully look up every oversused cliche situations in poems and put  them in this? Your poem is a satire on poetry right?

2:35 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2008 | 37 Days Active
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( Dragonfang93 )


Wealthy Hobo
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Quote: from Rayne237 at 9:05 pm on Nov. 23, 2008

I think it's really sweet.....Fiction? Or nonfiction? He needs a copy....

Some of it is fiction, some of it isn't...

He's already read it... as I said, it's old... He read it before he died.

-------
Inspired Gemmologist.


2:41 am on Nov. 23, 2008 | Joined Dec. 2006 | 240 Days Active
Join to learn more about Dragonfang93 Australia | Questioning Female | 1587 Posts | 5403 Points
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